Unofficial Hypochondriac

I’m an unofficial hypochondriac. If I hear or read a list of symptoms, I automatically assume that I have that condition. I also tend to take one symptom and go straight to the worst possible illness.

In my mind, when I have heartburn it’s a stroke. When I’m short of breath it’s black lung. When I get headaches on one side of my head I assume it’s a tumor. When I have a black dot that goes across my line of vision I’m positive that it’s the beginning of glaucoma. I’m also self-diagnosed with arthritis, a heart murmur, asthma, and many other diseases.

Once, it got to the point that Jas grounded me from the Discovery Health channel. I was watching a program that started listing a bunch of symptoms: a need to urinate frequently, especially at night; difficulty urinating; painful or burning urination; or frequent pain or stiffness in the lower back, hips, or upper thighs. So, although I really only had frequent urination (probably because I drink a lot of water) and pain or stiffness in the bottom half of my body (probably because I‘m getting old), I was convinced that I had whatever illness this was. During the commercial break I tried explaining to Jas that I found out what was wrong with me.

When the program started up again they listed a few other symptoms and then they said “If you have these symptoms you’ll want to get checked for prostate cancer.”

“Well Jas that doesn’t mean anything. I’m just the first woman to have prostate cancer- that‘s all.”

I spent the next couple of days trying to convince him that I had prostate cancer. No Luck. Shortly after that Jas grounded me from Discovery Health. But I still watch it when he‘s not around... if I didn’t, I'd have no idea what I'm currently sick with.